50 Funny, Strange, or Simply Threatening Texts Shared by This Twitter Account

The person who sent this text was mightily upset that their ex was still playing chess on Messenger with their Dad a year after they split up. They were so chagrinned that they began their text messages with a word we can’t even repeat without getting into trouble!

However, if their ex-partner and their Dad had been playing Scrabble online instead of chess, their opening salutation would have been worth 26 points. Or a whopping 78 points if it utilized a Triple Word Score!

When someone contacted this guy selling an Apple Mac Book Pro and offered him less than 30% of his lowest asking price, the vendor came up with a brilliant way of wasting this time-waster’s morning.

Now, most normal people would have figuratively told him where to go… but the laptop owner literally told him where to go! He sent him on a wild goose chase through the doors and onto the stage of a comedy club where he could tell his jokes to someone else. Comedy genius.

Sometimes, SMS misunderstandings can be hilarious. This guy wanted to know his friend’s street name, but his friend got the wrong end of the stick and replied with his street name. And truth be told, “Little Marco” isn’t exactly the most gangsta of nicknames.

Imagine if Big Sean was called Little Sean, The Notorious B.I.G. was called Slightly Famous T.I.N.Y., Snoop Dog was called Snoop Puppy, Queen Latifah was Baroness Latifah, Post Malone was Pre Malone, and Ice Cube was called Lukewarm Puddle.

This poor, deluded boy wanted to impress a girl, so he got a little poetic by comparing her to the sun. If he’d been more metaphorical and told her she had a heavenly body, he might have gotten further, but he went with the really unimaginative “UR Pretty Hot.”

Thus, his lame lament backfired in a stellar way. The girl’s less poetic, more realistic response totally eclipsed his feeble poetry as she threw him some shade. You might even say he got burned!

Speaking of poets, these two best friends teamed up to co-write a poem by text message. The first two lines go according to tradition, but then, one BFF spoils it by saying their friend’s face is so ugly that they belong in a zoo.

After being called ride, they backtrack by saying they’d be right next door with them in the zoo. You can bet that these two besties made a pact that they’ll marry each other if they’re still single when they turn 40.

Phishing and scamming by email and text are serious crimes. But this feeble attempt at phishing is just hilarious. And it’s terrible on three counts. First, it starts out saying a text from the UK Government begins with a cheery “Hello”!

Next, they expect the phone owner to believe they need to buy them a $1,840 iTunes gift card, or they will be arrested. Now, English obviously isn’t the phisher’s first language, so instead of saying “under arrest,” they end up saying the person will be under the rest. Hilarious!

This person received a text from none other than Michael Jackson. Apparently, the King of Pop needed $600 to return to the United States to put out more music. People often complain about rising airplane ticket prices, but we think $600 is more than reasonable for a flight from heaven to America.

That’s presuming MJ is in heaven; he might be in the other place. No one was convinced it was the real Michael Jackson until he signed off with “Hee Hee!”

Sometimes, running out of characters in a text message can cause unintentional, hilarious misunderstandings. This guy chose the absolute worst juncture to break his text messages up. His first apologetic message went through fine, but his second message failed to deliver.

Not realizing his second message didn’t go through, he made matters a million times by sending a third message. We just hope this poor guy managed to iron out the misunderstanding with Kevin… and that he’s still alive!

The only way undelivered texts could have created a worse situation is this hilarious instance. If there was the worst time in history for your signal to drop, then this is it.

The guys could have spent a month composing the most shocking text imaginable, and it still wouldn’t have been as surprising as this reply. But the best thing about it is… it was a totally unintended fluke. Watch out for those cell phone gremlins; they always strike when you least expect them!

This father had the best comeback when his son asked him if they were adopted. Dad didn’t just say no; he doubled down with a hilarious quip that left the kid in no doubt he wasn’t adopted. While Dad’s response seems kinda cruel at first, the more you think about it, the more perfect it becomes.

Not only does the son get the answer he wanted, but Dad backs it up with the kind of interplay that illustrates the deep bond only a real father and son can have… sarcasm.

It’s not just dads that can come back with great putdowns; Moms are just as capable of great putdowns and can fire even more deadly salvos. What’s that phrase, “The female of the species is more deadly than the male”?

When told not to attempt comedy, this Mom put her kid in place in the best and most direct way imaginable. There’s no reply from the kid because there’s literally nothing he or she can say as a comeback. Mom 1, Kid 0.

Not all the best text messages are crabby comebacks. These two shark-raving mad friends found their o-fish-al porpoise and a-pier to be sea-riously squidding around orca-strating ocean-based puns on their shell phones. Their so-fish-ticated exchange is shrimp-ly amazing. And buoy, their ​​sea-horsery wins our ​​seal of approval.

Their fin-tastic wordsmithery should be shell-ebrated because they are Kraken us up so much they deserve a prom-ocean. In fact, we’re turtle-ly shellfish. Luckily, they got sick and tide of making sand-sational puns before things got out of sand, so they posted shell-fies on Instagram.

This employee was maybe a little too honest when telling their boss why they were not coming to work. But by being so totally candid and upfront, they spoke for us all! As such, they are a true hero, and there should be a statue of this person in every town.

There should be a holiday in their honor, they should receive the key to every city, and they should never have to buy their own drinks ever again. Even their boss seems to understand!

Another way to deal with your boss is to pretend you don’t know what they’re talking about. If the manager had straight up announced, “We’re short-staffed, so we need you to come into work tonight,” it might have worked.

However, because the boss danced around the subject and never actually asked them to come to work, that allowed the employee to masterfully evade their half-request. While we’d never advocate lying, sometimes, playing dumb is the best option… politicians do it all the time!

Imagine the situation. You’re going about your day, minding your own business, sipping your latte in Starbucks on your way to work, when you get an AirDrop request on your phone to accept a photo from a random guy called Riley. And it looks like this!

What a quandary you’re in! Now, of course, the guy in the photo isn’t Riley, but do you accept his request, or do you slurp down your coffee and run all the way to work?

Chilis are famous for repeating on you, i.e., making you burp. But this message to a wrong number is repeated in an entirely different way.

While the responder’s first reply telling them they have the wrong number would have made 99.99% of the population apologize and go away, this person not only doubles down — they decuple down, saying they’re bringing chili a staggering 10 times! And they just helped us learn a new word. Decuple is like triple or quadruple, but for the number 10. Thanks a million!

Not wanting to get stung, this person asked how they could bee sure the honey this man was offering was real. But, instead of writing a reply, he just sent a photo of his bee-stung face. They do say that a picture paints a thousand words!

The poor dude obviously wasn’t a genuine bee-keeper, as he had no equipment and had been stung multiple times on the face. So, they took pity on him and bought two bottles of his honey. Honey is the only thing you’d buy from this man.

Speaking of bees, Applebees is famous for steaks, salads, pasta, burgers, and ribs. The family-themed restaurant is also known for its casual family dining experience, but the recipient of this text wasn’t laid-back enough because they got a text telling them their vibes were off. You know you’re in trouble when a test begins, “Ok, listen…”

There are a million and one reasons their vibes might have been off. Maybe they like food that doesn’t come from a microwave, but hey… that’s no reason to rib them for it.

Since the 1950s, put-upon sitcom wives like Marge Simpson and Peggy Bundy have been telling their lame, late husbands like Homer and Al Bundy, “Dinner’s in the dog.” But in the 21st century, Moms are telling their lame, late children that their dinner is in the mailbox.

Before calling their own daughter a really derogatory term. The unspoken part is that Mom has probably locked her kid out of the house, too. So, if you get a message like this from your mom, expect a night sleeping on the porch.

The arrival of a baby is a stressful time for a young mother and father. It’s also a magical time and should be greeted by outpourings of familial love, welcoming cards, gifts of tiny pink or blue socks, and balloons. But, not in this dysfunctional family!

Grandpa was so nonplussed by the new arrival that he could only muster a two-letter response. The only reason we can think why Gramps might be so unimpressed is if this is his grandchild’s 18th bundle of joy, and he’s like, “Yeah, whatever.”

This is humor at its best. When invited to a water fight with the neighbors’ kids, this youngster texts his sibling back with the most unexpected, WTF reply. They respond with a joke that gets the exact response they wanted… a text that made their sibling think, “Huh, what… wait a minute,” before reading it again.

Of course, they’re not serious — however much they hate the neighbors’ kids, they’re not really about to boil up some water. And nor should you. Boiling water is not for water fights. Ever.

You know when boys try to impress girls with jokes they’ve made up themselves but fail miserably? Well, this kid tried to impress a girl he knew with a joke that didn’t even make any sense on any level. If you understand this joke, please explain, as we’re still scratching our heads.

If you’re the boy who came up with this “joke,” please let us know if she ever replied. In the future, leave the comedy to the professionals and steal gags rather than invent lame, nonsensical ones.

This is a prime example of a teacher walking into their own trap. When a student humiliated their teacher in front of the whole class, they suspended the pupil. Then, when the kid explained to his father why they’d been suspended, Dad took their side — and with good reason.

Why on Earth was the teacher teaching a class of impressionable young people such a dumb, bigoted remark in the first place? In our opinion, the teacher got what was coming to them.

This person broke up with their partner and broke their heart so much that their next boyfriend or girlfriend dumped them because they couldn’t get over their ex. But then, get this… to make matters worse, they kept sending their ex invites to play Clash Royale!

The last thing a broken-hearted ex-flame needs is reminders of a doomed relationship, and constant friend requests to play video games are surely the most demeaning way of doing it. Trust us, we know from experience!

This exchange is perhaps the most random and bizarre of them all. The only information we have is that I Eat Short People is someone’s user name on an unknown platform. Then, another anonymous user got in touch with them to ask about their height.

In other words, I Eat Short People might have been shorter than them! This reminds us of a joke. Two cannibals are eating a clown, and the first turns to the second and says, “Does this clown taste funny to you?”

And while we’re all confused, here’s another bamboozling head-scratcher. Don’t worry; we have no idea what’s going on here, either. However, we have worked out that this hot dog-headed guy eating a hot dog must also be a cannibal.

He’s a hot dog cannibal as he only eats short hot dogs like chihuahuas. Hot Dog Head also reminds us of a ghost from Ghostbusters. Imagine Slimer if he only ate frankfurters, bread, and mustard… and had a sausage for a tongue.

This grandpa is obviously an old-timer from another age. With just one single-worded text message and one missed call, we can tell that Gramps is a rootin’, tootin’ varmint who’s up for a fight any day of the week.

He’s the kind of man who could have single-handedly stormed Omaha Beach on D-Day armed only with a pizza cutter. The kind of grandpa who could have taken down Thanos with one haymaker. The type of grandpa who, if you ignore his phone call, you will incur his wrath!

The United States has been renowned for its excellent customer service for decades. The one thing Americans can always rely on is speedy assistance delivered with a smile. That’s what makes this bizarre text exchange between a DoorDash partner restaurant and a hungry customer so weird.

The only explanation is that the chef typing the text is a caveman. If you read out their texts aloud but pepper them with your own neanderthal grunts, it makes much more sense. Try it!

Gustavo logged on to his computer at Walmart Customer Service, full of the joys of spring, ready and waiting to eagerly help customers in need. But when the same customer he’d dealt with multiple times popped up asking when the new PlayStation would arrive, Gutavo lost it.

He told him to stop asking and reiterated that Walmart doesn’t know the answer. They fired Gustavo for his four-letter outburst, but Walmart Customer Service’s loss is Los Pollos Hermanos’ gain.

This text exchange is what happens when you live next door to a sociopathic, unemotional alien who’s trying to blend in as a human. Petru is considerate enough to ask his next-door neighbor and new parent if he can do some DIY in the morning. And his neighbor’s weird responses reveal himself as an alien.

We hope that Petru did the right thing by reporting his neighbor to the authorities, who promptly sent around some Men in Black to relocate him to his natural habitat… Area 51.

While this string of text messages is heartbreaking, the person who’s been cheated on still has the wisdom to make a profound observation. Even when hearing the most devastating news imaginable, they still had the presence of mind to understand that they had made a massive mistake in placing their trust in their cheating love-rat of a partner.

By this point, they’d already started moving on, having learned a valuable life lesson. In the words of the English rock band The Who… they won’t get fooled again.

This string of three texts took a little while to work out what was going on. The first text is largely irrelevant, so you can ignore that one. The second text is where things get interesting.

Mom meant to send this message to the kid’s father or stepfather. But instead, good old Mom mistakenly sent the text to her son upstairs. And it speaks volumes about their relationship. Seriously, who insults their child like this?

This text from a frustrated mother isn’t much better. When the kid asks a simple question — why the internet has gone down — Mom shows her true colors. In fairness, we don’t know how many times the kid has asked Mom this question. Kids bombard all moms with millions of stupid questions from the day they learn to speak.

We can only surmise this response is what happens when mothers run out of answers to questions like: Why is the sky blue? Why is grass green? And why is the internet down?

This is a much better interaction with a mom. She insists her kid watches a YouTube video of a fat frog eating spaghetti right this instant. And when you Google “Fat Frog Having Spaghetti,” you’ll know why she says to watch the clip immediately.

However, since we don’t want to spoil your enjoyment of the video, all we’ll say is that the fat frog is eating, but he’s not eating spaghetti. As a clue, you’ve heard of Vermicelli pasta — which is slightly thinner than spaghetti — right? Well, Vermicelli means little worms in Italian.

Nobody likes a smart aleck, and everybody hates the grammar police. So when this guy corrected his friend Trevor’s grammar in a text message, he got exactly what he deserved. He might have successfully corrected his friend’s grammar.

But his fussy, fastidious, nitpicking attention to detail meant he missed out on watching the New York Giants game from a Box Seat with Trevor and Nick. We hope he enjoyed watching the game on TV with me, myself, and I… all alone on his lonesome.

This guy plucks up the courage to ask a girl out via text message. It starts off kinda cute, with the boy pretending to be nervous, stammering over his words. When the girl doesn’t reply within a couple of minutes, he continues with the cutesy schtick.

But when she takes too long to text him back, he shows his twue kullurs. And that, friends, is toxic masculinity in a nutshell. No matter how cute they start off, they always revert to type when things don’t go their way.

This text exchange begins with a male texting their female friend. When her boyfriend answers the message, he says she’s sleeping and stakes his claim on the woman. However, instead of warding off a potential threat, things go sideways.

Instead of being warned off, the male friend switches tact from “Hello Gorgeous” to “Hello Handsome!” It’s the perfect response, especially to the type of insecure, possessive boyfriend who reads his girlfriend’s texts and sends pics to show how hunky he is. That photo probably isn’t him.

This Grandma goes to great lengths to get her grandchild to answer the most pressing question in humankind. First, she makes sure the kid is awake but doesn’t ask the answer to the meaning of life (it’s 42, by the way) or if there is a God, what happens to us after we die, or if we’re alone in the universe.

Nope. Nana needs to know, “Why is K-Pop?” Her grandma might be Drax from The Guardians of the Galaxy, who famously asked a similar question, “Why is Gamora?”

This dude texted his friend to tell him that he’d cheated on his girlfriend, Lily. However, he texted Lily by mistake. Instead of blowing her top, Lily remained calm, used her head, and — pretending to be the best friend — texted back for more info, even calling her boyfriend “Bro.”

The love rat tells her the name of the girl he cheated with before Lily reveals herself. Lily, you’re a genius. If you think the moral of the story is to be careful who you text, it’s not. It’s don’t cheat.

This wife suspected her husband of cheating, so she borrowed his phone to try and root out his potential mistress. She seemingly Whatsapped all the women in her husband’s contacts, pretending to be her cheating hubby.

The woman denied all knowledge, so the suspecting wife went into genius mode and pretended to be her husband… by typing the words, “This is her husband.” Naturally, her ploy didn’t work. Not only because it was insane but because this woman didn’t even know her husband. One potential mistress down, 99 to go!

This girl texted her friend Michaela to have a whinge about her boyfriend. She opened up by complaining that her man didn’t share her taste in music. When they both agreed on their love for the Australian psychedelic rock band Tame Impala, she told Michaela that she needed a boyfriend just like her… but not her.

We wonder if they both like English songstress Adele. If they do, you can bet Adele’s song “Someone Like You” is their favorite track.

This Mom was adamant that her kid come downstairs so she could check the contents of her offspring’s phone. Meanwhile, said kid was running around, pulling their hair out, and stalling for time while they frantically wiped whatever incriminating evidence was on their handset.

Mom should have known better than to give them a warning. It’s like the FBI texting you to say they’re going to raid your house at noon and hoping you stay home so they can arrest you.

This guy with a broken leg was texting a girl called Brooke. During their conversation, Brooke blurted out that her Dad was up before a judge for hitting someone with his car and breaking their leg.

Now, if Brooke had her wits about her, those three dots were her typing something to throw her friend off the scent. Something crazy like how her Dad drives a multicolored Rolls-Royce and was dressed as Santa Claus at the time of the accident.

This boy made a valiant effort to impress a girl. After asking her pronouns, he comes back with a line about changing her pronouns from she/her to my/girl. While that’s somewhat sweet, he mistakenly thought women want to be men’s possessions.

Seemingly unperturbed, she bides her time and asks what he looks like. He sends a photo, and when she sees his ugly face, she turns his pronoun pun against him. Way to go, girl!

This text interchange didn’t go as well as planned. When the boy selflessly offers his help to the girl whose dog just ran away, she interprets this as a pickup line, so she tells him she still has a boyfriend. The crestfallen boy typed his response, saying he still had a dog.

However, it seems he saw sense and didn’t press send. As for why he took a photo of it with a Slim Jim meat stick, your guess is as good as ours. Unless that’s what happened to her dog!